Treatment Update: Pre-surgery

Surgery is set for tomorrow morning. I know it’s outpatient and everything is expected to go well, but these procedures are not without risk and/or side effects. Of course, there is also the unknown pathology results I will have to wait several days for.

Overall, I am okay with this part of treatment. I really don’t want them to take any lymph nodes, but I understand why they’re doing it. Images of my lymph nodes have all been clear from the beginning of this. In my mind, I can’t justify the risk of lymphedema. They want to be “sure,” though. Yeah, okay. It’s not like I can get out of it – it’s “standard procedure.”

I did get a nice new button-down shirt to wear home afterwards. It came all folded up and sealed in plastic – I have washed and dried this thing and the wrinkles still won’t come out of it. It’s times like this I wish I had an iron & ironing board, but I don’t because I hate ironing. I just got used to wearing clothes that don’t need it. It’s easy enough to do. No cleaners in my town, either.

Yes, I am distracting myself from the real issues. I am concerned that the anesthesiologist is not going to monitor my blood sugar while I am out or try to keep me out of DKA range. The last one told me he would, but when I woke up, he said he hadn’t even checked it. It was 230 going in and coming out. That’s barely DKA, but still bad – especially for someone who has had type 1 diabetes for 40 years.

As for the pathology reports, I’m praying for clear margins and clear lymph nodes. Also, I don’t want any complications from the surgeries. I just want to get this over with and get back home to my normal routine for a short while before I have to start radiation treatments.

The week before any kind of surgery or procedure is rough for me. I have arthritis, scoliosis, sciatica and an autoimmune disease – and can’t take anything anti-inflamatory. I can’t have any vitamins or supplements, either. Ugh. I can take Tylenol, but it doesn’t do anything. The inflammation and pain are getting to me.

So, anyway, I’m outta here. I have prep-work to do around the house. I’ll be back. I hope everyone has a great week and that anyone going through this with me is having good results. L8r.

Chemical Reaction

Chemical Reaction` by Foxfire4000
Chemical Reaction` by Foxfire4000

Chemical Reaction

Stonewalled
blank expression
choking on words
Frozen
not numb
dumb
unfounded
Mind racing
thought bouncing
balance malfunction
Widespread panic
internal quakes
Self-inflicted
dopamine response
spaced-out
drowsy
complete shutdown

All systems
shut
down

Outside-in:
unfeeling
uncaring
cold-hearted bitch

Inside-out:
emotional
overload
caring too much

Remember me
remember this
because in those moments
I can’t remember

Check my blood sugar!

© LTM 4/11/16

2016 April PAD Challenge: Day 11

Three O’clock

Three o'clock in the morning by iPics
Three o’clock in the morning by iPics

Three O’clock

Three o’clock
the dog wants out
or maybe I’m too late

My sugar’s low
or don’t I know
kicked in Somogyi’s state

The not quite dawn
phenomenon
already taking place

It never ends
I cannot win
this glucose-insulin race

Shadows run
the cat thinks fun
tearing corners in his wake

Two hours left
to get some rest
I really need a break…

© LTM 4/3/16

2016 April PAD Challenge: Day 3

PB&J

pb and j by OcheerioO
pb and j by OcheerioO

PB&J

When I was very young
two simple things fun
indelibly came undone

Peanut Butter was okay
in one small dose a day
a few crackers on tray

Jelly was an awful sin
a slow poison under my skin
the only cure, more insulin

It seemed like forever
these two never together
between bread not much better

Things have changed in 30 years
healthy jellies allayed my tears
and better treatments appeared

It warms my heart, this little thing
a peanut butter and jelly fling
Skip the milk I never liked drinking

A childhood memory returned again
I can count on now and then
in its original blend

Yet ingrained in me this broken rhyme
That sugar was a deadly crime
I still panic the idea sometimes

© LTM 11/02/14

2014 November PAD Chapbook Challenge: Day 2

 

* I DID write a poem for day #1 of PAD, but want to hold off posting it for just a bit. It will go up before the end of the month. 🙂