2014 APRIL PAD CHALLENGE DAY 25: The Eric Cartman Deduction (Poem)

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The Eric Cartman Deduction

Dear Hometown Hospital,

You want me to pay you eight grand?
Well, lets take a look
at what you think I owe you for:

Mother’s entire medical record is incomplete
with inconsistent events
and a visibly altered timeline,

You completely ignored her organ donor status.
Did you even check?

You hooked her up and plugged her in
despite the fact that she was Dead on Arrival.
She passed in the ambulance
before ever reaching the emergency room.
The first responders called it.

You disconnected and unplugged her,
and charged me separately for that.

You lied about her
being Dead on Arrival.

Despite numerous requests
by multiple attorneys for a bill,
you waited until after the insurance check was cut
to send one.

You then threatened to
put a lien on her estate
four days after we received the bill.

Well, you can talk to my lawyer who,
by the way,
I told not to pay.
Find some other patsy
to fund your brand new triage center,
because I’m done.
Just be happy
if I don’t report your
questionable practices.

One of your successful births.

© LTM 04/25/14